“You seem to have an accommodating disposition,” laughed Tommy.
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Conflict certainly tests those boundaries and confrontation is never easy.
People are generally not aware of what they say or how they behave.
There were many times I felt badly hurt and neglected and ignored. The whole new age movement is all for cutting people who don’t add to your happiness or success. Many life coaches, positive thinking representatives and personal growth guru’s are quite clear about how negative people drag you down. But yet there is that niggling at the back of my mind which has a problem with this approach. I believe that the people in my life are there for a reason.
Perhaps to teach me something about myself or for me to teach them something about themselves.
I draw a line quickly and if you cross it, well that’s it for our relationship. As an adult, I have grown to believe that things are not random, that people are in my life for a reason.
When I was younger, I was just too nice and accommodating and that allowed people around me really take advantage of me. My feelings were always sacrificed for another’s happiness or needs. How am I going to find out what the reason is if I don’t allow the relationship to develop? Where do you draw the line between accommodating others and being abused.
I usually get caught up in my own stuff and react and stress and fight.
But once the dust has settled, I ask myself, does it really matter?
And perhaps it is true, that they are selfish, but the real problem is not being addressed because it is buried deep in your soul.
Perhaps the underlying problem is that you don’t actually trust them.
Any conflict consists of at least 2 parties after all. A few years back, I had a friendship which started to deteriorate and I really tried to accommodate her. I know enough about the psyche to know that to be truthful is very difficult, especially with yourself; unconscious complexes driving us to believe in a certain point of view often obscure any attempt at realising the “truth”.