If you and your husband have complicated combined assets, you may need additional pros.Kira Brown, 34, from Phoenix, AZ, owned a business with her ex-husband and wishes she'd also hired a financial planner for help negotiating her settlement.3. According to financial analyst Sandy Arons, a divorcee herself, 40% of divorce proceedings are about money.Try to have money available—like ,000—within days. "It not only 'showed him;' it also showed the wife—and their children—what life is like on a lower salary," she says.
"Therapists who haven't experienced divorce often create false hope," in regards to recovering quickly.
"It's important to have support that's educated as well as therapeutic."2. "I used a criminal attorney and got a poor settlement," admits Christine K. On the other hand, a lawyer who's well-versed in family law could get you a better settlement because she knows the state-law nuances and local judges and lawyers, says Jacqueline Newman, a partner at a boutique New York City law firm specializing in divorce.
"You haven't been rejected as a woman or a person, nor are you incompetent at being a wife, a partner, a lover, a friend."8. Amanda, 29, from Albuquerque, NM, was married for over six years until her divorce.
"I wasn't prepared for the loneliness that accompanied Christmas," she says.
to do) if you're going through—or just contemplating—a divorce.
Here, real women share what they wish they'd known when they split from their husbands and divorce professionals weigh in on how to combat the most unexpected, yet most common, mistakes they've seen clients make.
Your kids won't tell you how they really feel about the divorce, but their behavior will. So monitor your kids' actions to understand how they're dealing.
"Children feel a sense of responsibility for the breakup no matter how much the parents state it wasn't about them," says marriage and family therapist Lesli M. Watch out for little ones regressing in their behavior—acting younger, wanting to sleep in bed with you—or showing anger toward siblings and peers.
"Divorce can be the beginning of a good next chapter, even if you don't know how the book's going to end," she says.