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“My Struggle” was all bland staging and blunt declarations, maybe out of necessity: spelling everything out does ensure everything that needed to be said and done gets said and done in the time available.* So we got thesis statement dialogue (Scully: “For better or worse, we have moved on with our lives.” Mulder: “Yes we have. The result: static storytelling, inert drama, clichés. But it would have made for a more flattering pitch, as it would have better captured the show’s creepy atmosphere or chemistry of the leads.

For better, for worse.”) and stormy speeches (“It’s about controlling the past to control the future!

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Now that the return of The X-Files is upon us, it’s the perfect time to revisit all nine seasons and 202 episodes* of the original series before we’re thrust back into the world of Fox Mulder and Dana Scully (and Walter Skinner and John Doggett and, yes, Monica Reyes).

In the ’90s, there was no better place to get a dose of conspiracy paranoia and nutty sci-fi, not to mention butterflies in your stomach watching David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson’s tension build.

As a refresher course for the series we all fell in love with, and then slowly fell out of love with in later seasons, only to love once again once nostalgia kicked in, I’ve ranked every episode.

These rankings are based on numerous factors: enjoyability, chemistry of the leads, scariness of the monsters, and effectives of the jokes, to name a just few things (obviously technical factors are at play too).

It somehow manages to be more exploitative than an average episode of Law and Order: Special Victims Unit. “Agua Mala” (Season 6, Episode 13)A Florida trailer parker and a hurricane monster lead to a pretty offensively bad episode.

There’s nothing redeeming in it, save for the fact that it’s just bad, not offensive, like some of the worse X-Files outings. “Sanguinarium” (Season 4, Episode 6)A bunch of plastic-surgery victims are dead, and it’s all due to witchcraft. “Teliko” (Season 4, Episode 3)A show that deals with race in a nuanced way could’ve handled a script about black people having their skin turned white, but alas, this is not that show. “Underneath” (Season 9, Episode 12)A man Doggett arrested for murder 13 years earlier turns out to not be the killer – he actually splits into two people and his other half commits the murders.At its heart, the series was about confronting the darkness within ourselves — you know, the crippling doubt of the unknown, the fear of what’s to come.It just used aliens and monsters to explore that in a way that decades later, still resonates with viewers.The rebooted X-Files premieres as a six-part mini-series starting January 24 on Fox. “Fight Club” (Season 7, Episode 20)Season 7 is the series’ most self-referential season.Every episode feels like one meta joke after the other, until it all collapses on itself in one of the worst hours of television you’ll ever experience. 100% Free Online Dating for St Louis Singles at Mingle2

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